Fostering: A Rooted Sense of Care
When you speak with Barb, two things come across quite clearly: she’s very passionate about fostering, and she’s done it for a long time; so long, in fact that the numbers start to get a little hazy. Barb has fostered “25 to 26” children and youths over the last “32 or 33 years”, but can go into great detail if you ask her about any one of them, because when Barb fosters someone, she makes a commitment to them that is pretty much unbreakable. It’s to the point where—along with the 2 youths and 1 child she is currently fostering—she even helps one of her former foster daughters with her own kids today.
A part of Barb has always been a foster parent, even though it might not run in her biological family. “My family doesn’t understand why I foster, but they respect what I do,” she says, adding that her biological family comes together in celebration during the holidays with open arms and gifts for all her children.
A Passion for Fostering
Though they might not fully understand it, Barb’s family can’t be all that surprised that her life has followed this path. “My mom said it was my passion anyways,” says Barb. Growing up in Jamaica, Barb says she would take kids in to her parent’s home without them knowing, and even fostered her little cousin when her sister moved to Canada.
Once Barb arrived in Canada herself, becoming a foster parent happened somewhat accidentally. She was playing on a netball team with a girl who was in the care of the Children’s Aid Society of Ottawa. The girl moved outside of the city and would stay at Barb’s when they had netball games. Eventually, as the girl was spending more and more time at Barb’s, she asked if Barb would foster her. Though she was still young, she went through the assessment channels, was approved as a foster parent, and started caring for the girl full time. With that, her legacy of fostering began, but what became of Barb’s first foster daughter?
“She’s actually a foster parent in Toronto now and she has two children of her own,” says Barb, mentioning that her foster daughter still comes home to Ottawa, and still calls her “mom.”
That story is a testament not just to the lasting impact fostering can have on everyone involved, but to the relationship Barb has with her foster children, which, according to her, is all about setting a good foundation.
Caring for the Next Generation
And when it comes to fostering teenagers—the Children’s Aid Society of Ottawa’s most immediate need—“You have to put yourselves in a teenager’s space,” says Barb. “I’ve never been where these kids are. Kids come with more baggage these days, and not the baggage you want them to come with, so you have to be there to give them the love, stability, and attention.”
“You have to hear them out,” she adds about fostering more generally. “Just be patient, give it time, and give the kids love and attention…as much as they need. Treat them as if they’re your own…and everything will be okay.”
Patience is Key
The fact that some of her children are now foster parents illustrates what a great role model Barb is. But what advice would she give to those considering fostering for the first time?
“The big thing I would tell them is ‘give it time,’ because they start fostering and they get frustrated easily…and fostering is not a bed of roses,” says Barb. “It can be stressful at times, trust me,” Barb adds, while discussing the amount of attention and effort fostering requires. “It has its ups and downs, but it gives you satisfaction when you see how the kids turn out.”
“Fostering requires A LOT of patience, it’s a 24/7 job…it’s about giving your love, giving your time to these children and making sure that they’re okay. They need to feel that they belong, and you have to be there for them at all times,” Barb adds.
And as challenging as it can be, there are supports in place through the Children’s Aid Society of Ottawa to help foster parents realise success.
“It’s a community that raises a child, so within our foster community we do reach out to each other. We support each other. I have foster parents that reach out to me when there are issues, because I’ve been doing it for so long,” says Barb. “And when I need to vent, I have this foster parent that I can vent to.”
The children’s biological parents are often still in the picture as well, and Barb works with them in the hopes that their children can return to them. “I treat each biological parent with respect, because at the end of the day, these parents, it’s their children that we’re dealing with, so we have to respect that, and respect them too,” says Barb “It makes a lot of difference and it makes life much easier.”
As for the children she’s fostered, as much work as it can be, she sums it up like this: “Watching them achieve their goals and excel, it makes me smile.”
**If Barb’s story sounds interesting, the Children’s Aid Society of Ottawa is always looking for more foster parents with skill sets similar to hers. For more information, please call 613-742-1620 ext. 1 or visit www.casott.on.ca**
Courtesy: Children’s Aid Society of Ottawa
Photo credit: Editor, Black Ottawa Scene