by Marsha Ayeni
When I heard, that Trey Anthony’s play ‘Da Kink In My Hair’ was coming to Ottawa, I couldn’t believe it! Seriously…here…Ottawa??? My mind was completely blown with excitement! I had fallen in love with the TV series and couldn’t get enough of it. Still to this day, it is one of my all-time favourite TV shows to watch even though the series has ended. So to find out that I now could go and see this phenomenal woman’s genius live…Well as my fellow Jamaicans would say…“Mi haffi reach!!!”
On November 21st, hundreds of Ottawa folks of different backgrounds and races gathered in the Ottawa Little Theatre to experience a performance like none other. But no past knowledge of Trey’s work could have prepared anyone for what we were about to see. ‘Da Kink In My Hair’ was different. This version was not only humorous and touching as always, but it was also very deep, thought provoking, revealing and full of so many unspoken truths that we, not only as black women, but as women in general face in our lives. Trey’s new twist on her play, was not just going to make me laugh, it was also going to educate me on the hard truth. That black or white, light or dark skin, Caribbean or African, we are all connected. As the play unfolded, it revealed stories that every woman sitting in that audience could relate to. Stories about our struggles with womanhood and motherhood, intolerance of other women, the brutality of racism and of course our inability to accept ourselves because of the standards set by society.
Being a 42-year old, black Caribbean woman of mixed race, married to an African man for 21 years and a mother, I can unequivocally say that I could and did relate to every character presented on that stage. As a mother of four, I worry everyday about their well-being. About their chances and opportunities that each one of them, may or may not have, as black Afro-Caribbean men and women. I feel the stress of being a mother every day. Trying to juggle my career with family life, while also trying to balance my personals needs with theirs. The ‘Black Superwoman Syndrome’ is all too real! I was raised to not fail, to be strong, to not be weak or show weakness and to always fight. But I was not taught how to cry, to appreciate the vulnerability or insecurity in myself. To ask for help, to say no or to truly stand up for me…the real me, so that I may have a voice to cry out that I’m tired, that I’m hurting…That I can’t do this thing called life alone. Every woman in that audience that night, felt and thought these things in unison because these characters, Patsy, Mia, Sherelle and Sharmaine, held mirrors up to us, so we could truly see ourselves for who we really were. At the end of each scene, we didn’t just cheer and laugh, we also wiped tears from our eyes because our hearts were brimming with the realization that we were not alone.
But I think the most profound reaction from both the audience and myself came from watching the characters of Miss Enid and Suzy. These two ladies took us on such an insightful journey that was so raw, it astonished us all. Never before has it ever been presented to me that white women with black children, would also be victims to the hardships of being black. And never before did I ever think they also needed support, even though they too were helping to raise OUR black sons and daughters. As I listened to Suzy cry out on stage about her struggle to love her BLACK child due to the shame and stigma, and of what she had to sacrifice to bring her child into the world, I felt a feeling of shame come over me. I didn’t know…but I didn’t know, because I didn’t WANT to know. And as the audience became more and more uncomfortable with the truth that they too had ignored such an important fact, they became restless and rude, yelling out comments to discredit the “delusional” white woman on stage. Funny…with all the intelligence in the room, ignorance was still able to raise its ugly head. For this scene brought out a hard to swallow truth. That it’s not only black women that are raising black children. No matter what race their mothers are from, these children are black and will be seen and treated as such. It’s something that we as a black race need to embrace.
Miss Enid brought to light two things for me. One, we spend so much of our lives serving our loved ones, that we forget who we are after they are all grown or gone. We spend our entire lives surviving that we settle in our relationships and we don’t demand the things we need to feel good, excited and sexy about ourselves, about our lives, about being a woman…a black woman. Yes it’s important to have a good partner in your life who gives you a good life, but it’s also very important that, that partner in your life creates a fire so hot in your soul that it leaves a mark long after they’re gone. As Miss Enid put it, “that tingling feeling from the bottom of your belly that spreads to the other parts.” Go ahead Miss Enid! The second thing was that life doesn’t stop when you get older, or after you get divorced or become widowed. Life continues for as long as you remember you’re still alive and well. Sexiness and beauty doesn’t fade with age. It only gets better like a fine wine. You can, still pull that freak’em dress out of your closet at 77 yrs. young!
Thank you Trey Anthony for such a brilliant and creative gift. Thank you for showing all of us once again that we can achieve anything we set our minds to. I was truly inspired and I hope to see more stories from you in the future. If I may suggest, perhaps your interpretation on the relationship struggles between Africans and Caribbeans, as well as a further in-depth look into bi-racial relationships. What is triggering more of us to marry outside our race? Why more and more black women are marrying white men after being married to black men? It will be very interesting to see what you create. I look forward to seeing more of your work and creativity. You’ve positively change a large part of our black community here in Ottawa forever.
Photo credits: Sarah Onyango & Marsha Ayeni
About the writer
Marsha Ayeni, a former Toronto native, grew up loving the arts, along with the fashion and beauty industry. She moved to Ottawa in 1994 to study Organic Chemistry and earn her Bachelor of Science Degree at Carleton University. Whilst in pursuit of her higher education, she discovered a latent entrepreneurial drive, culminating with the creation of Exotique Blends, offering aesthetics and beauty services, skin care as well as a spa. Marsha also holds a diploma in Esthetics and Make-up Artistry from Algonquin College. She can be reached at 613-867-0189, or [email protected]; www.exotiqueblends.com; Twitter: @Exotiqueblends; LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/marshaayeni