Society has constructed the idea of marriage as a compulsory life event we are all meant to go through.  It makes the concepts of bachelorhood and spinsterhood look deviant. The females experience this form of criticism from the society compared to the males. The decision of men to remain bachelors for the rest of their lives is hardly questioned or criticized, because we live in a world where sexism has come to stay.

There is absolutely nothing wrong in choosing to be a spinster, but trust African parents to never understand.  People succumb to life commitments because they do not want to act outside the norm of their culture. These are the things we consciously agree to when we know that deep down, this is not the life we want to live. We have to realize that there is no grand scheme to life for everyone. An individual’s mindset about life is to search for all the best possible ways to live a meaningful and self-fulfilling life based on their own terms. It is possible for marriage to not give you the level of self-fulfillment you truly desire.

One might say there would be a point in life when you will realize you have everything you want but nobody to share that happiness with. They will also back this up by bringing up the idea of dependency, because we all need someone to depend on. But who says marriage is the only key in eliminating dependency?  We need to leave behind that narrow perspective of living and accept that there is more than one right perspective to life. It all depends on the individual involved and their core values. It is not appropriate to generalize that all those who choose to be spinsters live a less self-fulfilling and happy life compared to married women. Who says she is going to be alone without a ‘husband’? Just because a woman has chosen the path of spinsterhood does not imply she would be lonely for the rest of her life. The terms used to define loneliness are not the same for everyone. People value different things and chase after what they feel is the best way to live their lives. There would be no regrets experienced if this path chosen gives her an intrinsic form of unexplainable happiness. That is the greatest form of self-realization, self-acceptance, and deriving joy from the life you are living.

There are individuals who attained what they thought was the greatest form of fulfillment in the different forms such as wealth, but still did not feel complete or fully satisfied until they got married and started a family. I can tell you that these individuals truly and deeply value the idea of marriage and family. They realized all their achievements were not enough to give them a greater purpose in life that is why they pursued other means to get them to the level of fulfillment they craved for.

We need to be fully aware of the mindsets of these women before criticizing their status. . If a woman wants to be a spinster for the rest of her life due to certain reasons that nobody else might understand, best believe she would gain some form of mind-blowing happiness that only her can truly appreciate. We need to respect people’s decisions to live their lives in the way that suits them. We are all on our paths of self-discovery, which is a tedious process that I feel has no end. We can never fully discover ourselves but we would explore and understand the best possible ways to live a life that we truly want based on our individual terms.